My name is Amanda. I’m a writer, a student, a tutor, an intern, and someone who’s constantly trying to find a place in the world.
When someone asks me to talk about myself or whatever I’m going through, I usually feel at a loss. It’s only through writing and constant revising that things start to become clear to me–I’m able to penetrate the depths of my mind and see what’s really there.
My approach to living is much the same as my approach to writing. I’m constantly in editing mode.
I try to expose myself to a new situation each and every day, and I’m always striving to see how far my limits can be pushed. This helps me figure out what works and what doesn’t. I begin to understand what I enjoy and don’t enjoy, and I change my actions and goals accordingly. I look at this as a sort of revision process.
This process has been helpful in showing me what I don’t want to do, in terms of jobs and career paths: I don’t want to scoop ice cream for a living. I don’t want to be a perpetual cashier. I don’t want to wake up in the morning dreading what lies ahead. (I’ve lived through all of these experiences and many more which have left a bad taste in my mouth for one reason or another.)
So I know what I don’t want. That’s okay–it’s half the battle, right? But in terms what career path I would actually like to pursue, I have no idea. All I know is that I want to write. I want to inspire. I want to be the best person that I can possibly be; to live up to all of my self-imposed standards, even those that seem nearly impossible to uphold; to practice what I preach each and every day, or at least try my best to do so. I want to wake up in the morning looking forward to the work that I do.
These are sort of vague ideals, but do I really need anything else to guide me?
I may not know whether I want to pursue X or Y career path, each of which has a number of milestones and goalposts to pass along the way in order to experience success. But the uncertain and often tumultuous nature of life leads me to believe that planning anything to a T and expecting it to play out a certain way sometimes turns out to be a waste of energy anyway.
As long as I constantly live up to my own values and continue to grow, I think this life is bound to be a good one.